I yearn for new material to write about. I grow weary of writing about my own sin. But as I was reading this morning I came upon this proverb that had me totally pinned, which is my way of saying it nailed me (I'm suffering writer's block on what to call it).
Yesterday, I spent a majority of my day, which I was supposed to be spending working, looking to somehow raise by bike from the dead. Without my fix (biking), and with my bike in need of a fix, I was fixed on getting it fixed. Fixated on fixing the unfixable. I was fixedly stuffing honey into my face.
Can you be addicted to anything as seemingly innocent as biking? Absolutely. I believe there are children all over the world who struggle with an addiction to playing jacks (as well as picking noses). I pity them, they need an Xbox (besides having an Xbox helps with the "picking noses disease" as children don't like sticky controllers. I'm not strictly against balanced nose picking however. I find it very satisfactory and hardly gross at all).
In a real way, I was living in slavery yesterday. I was consumed by my hobby and unable to relate to the world around me. I was also like a "city broken into and left without walls." Biking had literally broken into my world and I was open to wherever it lead. Balance, peace and substance had left my city as I restlessly searched for my fix.
Thankfully I have a loving wife who hates it when I get like this. And while it grates my nerves when she attempts to step into my mess of a city, she can see when I can't. She can be a source of unreasonable sounding reason in the midst of my storm. I can find Christ's wisdom in her, not always directly, but in her insistance that something is amiss.
The irony of being human is that the very thing that we seek for - our own glory - and think will bring us freedom, just enslaves and makes us feel miserable. Especially when it's centered on a broken bike. Here's a bit of trivia: Did you know that there is more technology put into bikes each year than cars? True, I think. Once again I'm to0 lazy to waste time on Google trying to verify my claim, but I heard it somewhere from someone.
Someone enslaved to stuff, accomplishments and prestige is simply living dead. They become a zombie brainlessly sorting through random bike parts, and mumbling under their very bad breath. They even attempt the impossible, putting back together a tiny sealed bearing hub. It's impossible, don't ever try it. It will make you wish you were dead, even if you're already a zombie (I guess I should say "dead again") Especially if your wife is calling you to dinner.
Am I hard on myself? No. I'm simply getting clued into how ridiculously enslaved I am to stuff. It's really a pain. And it's why I want to cling to the God who offers us an eternal city, one which doesn't fade and one which which will never dissappoint.
So what am I doing about it? Like a true addict I've sworn off biking for the week. And like a true addict who's realizing that he's powerless, I'm totally at God's mercy for strength to pull off such a rash vow. My prayer is that he'll enable me, and help me to find the vista or "open pleasant space" that David writes about, a life lived in balance with God.
Back to the city without walls. I guess I'm leaving for a trip to God's city today as I totally wrecked mine yesterday. I hope it's not far, as my stupid bike is broken...