Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I haven't written in a while. I've actually felt like I don't have much to share. Life has been sort of ho-hum.
People ask me how I'm doing and I say, "Good," but I'm not so sure. I'm thinking that maybe I should start answering with "Really iffy, with a 70 percent chance of anger and malaise after 3PM." Ironically it's almost 3PM.
Maybe it's all the days of sun and 70 degree weather here in Florida that has lulled me into this no-man's-land. Maybe I'm not comfortable with not being all-good.
I was just doing my daily scripture reading, and I could barely keep my eyes open. They felt dry, itchy and my lids felt like little gremlins were dangling from them.
That's how I feel. I feel like a little gremlin that's been left out to dangle on God's eyelid (well it's not a perfect metaphor). If you haven't seen "Gremlins" you must, it's sort of like watching "Nanny 911," and no matter how bad a parent you are you can say, "At least my child is not a gremlin."
So this little gremlin has been dangling. I have felt put out to pasture, left in no man's land and just waiting for something to happen. I feel like I was promised a fishing trip in the streams of Montana, and am now sitting in front of a stagnant pond in Florida, fishing for catfish. Yuck!
Living the life of the Gospel is not always an adventure. Sometimes it takes great patience and ability just to not pack it in due to the strong feelings of inadequacy that come with equal doses of anxiety and boredom.
I think that the key to living fruitfully, is to not give up in times like this. In dry seasons, we must cling to God, for he still is our help.
I was in staff meeting this morning and the thought hit me really clearly, "You don't have to be productive right now, because I have a plan." Sometimes that's all we get - the promise of a plan.
Sorry if this sounds depressing. But it cuts the illusion that Christ following is always exciting, happy, adventurous, envigorating and you-name-it good stuff. What we are promised is not fulfillment in the stuff of this world, but fulfillment in God.
So if you're like me, and don't know what to say when people ask you how you're doing, tell them to go to Hades. No I say it's time to cling real tight to your hope in God. That's all I've got.