Saturday, June 11, 2011

Run For Your Life!

I sit here dazed, not knowing really even why I'm writing. Perhaps it's because I've been reading some other blogs with billions of followers and am feeling a little jealous. Perhaps it's because I just don't want to read my Bible that's sitting in front of me. Or perhaps it's just me being me. I don't know...

But one thing I do know, sometimes I've got to write because something good is about to happen. OK, maybe something sort of decent or legible. But I actually meant something along the lines of sorting out some new difficulty or challenge that me being a sin-crazed maniacal Christian living in a dangerous world has posed.

Yesterday I spent running. Not really sinning per-se. But running. Moving fast. Trying not to think too hard. Being besett by brain-movements, I needed to escape.

I literally did. Skipping out early on work, I ran to the Ocoee, which is about an hour outside of Chattanooga and hit some of the trails with my bike and then had a refreshing swim in the river. It was totally sweet.

But even as I sit hear writing, I'm dodging. I should be in a men's group meeting right now, but I've opted out for some "time with the Lord" and a fruit smoothie. Sometimes it takes this boy a long time to recharge. But I suspect that more often than not I make poor decisions when it comes to resting.

In fact I find it all a little depressing and a pain to write about. It's not like recharging is a crime or anything. Sometimes I feel like it is. Especially since I absolutely love to recreate. Honestly, I think I could recreate all the time and be fine with it, other than the horrible emptiness that would eventually hit me of knowing that I was simply living for me, turning into a monster.

This whole missionary-raising support full-time is a joke. Nobody but super-manic freaks could do this full-time. It's not that what I'm called to do is the problem. It's just that I'm not sure human beings can handle so much constant rejection (albeit perceived), fear and dependancy.

But I guess it's good right? Loving God and loving people isn't supposed to be easy, and I can't think of any more challenging place for me to be right now than to be constantly asking people to "give me there money" (that's the way it feels).

So hey, this was pretty random right? Maybe it was worth the read. And I like it because for once I'm not summarizing on a positive note. I like switching things up a bit. But I will say this, for all my running and running of the mouth, I am so glad we serve a God who pursues. It's a real comfort.