Blogging can be such an easy way just to air pretty much anything we want. It can be an ego inflating activity just to see our ideas take shape and hear how great they sound (I'm one of these artists that is tempted to love his products no matter how ugly they are. I can be narcissistic that way. I typically realize this with distance and time, when I'm like you wrote that? That was terrible!). But without the checks of editors, readers and publishers, the danger is heightened.
I don't want to be over-dramatic, but sometimes I'm just at a loss for what to say. I'm drained by life, by pain, by confusion, by spiritual apathy, or God's silence, and I simply don't know where to start. But something compels me to start anyway, and that's what I'm attempting to do today.
My job in ministry is very much in transition these days. Perhaps that's why I'm drained and at a loss. I don't think people know exactly what to do with a "writer" type like me. And I have to admit, I'm not sure either. Does my youth ministry need someone who is released to research culture, read the Bible, brush up on theology and write towards the issues facing this generation? I think so, and am kind of frustrated that it's even an issue. If it's not me doing this, then it needs to be somebody right?!
Yesterday I discussed with a friend the time I spend on "devotions" in my day and how they perhaps shouldn't count as hours in my work-day. Our short discussion has me fuming this morning. It was implied (at least in my mind) that devotions are often seen as personal enrichment, selfish quiet time or escape. In my case, I don't disagree with having selfish motives, but am I not at least escaping or running in the right direction?
Devoting time to God has got to be my job right? Devoting time to REALITY, is the only way I'm going to be able to deal in the realities of teens today. The only way I'm going to be able to help.
So there's my little mini-rant. Perhaps not even worth posting today. I'm just feeling kind of grumpy.
However I think I'll post it as it does touch on something that I've been chewing on for quite sometime: our culture's pace and goals - Christian culture in particular. Are we so busy putting in 60-90 hours for the kingdom, while forgetting the king? While I don't feel this is always the case, it certainly is an easy fit for the Americanized Christian, who values busyness, forward movement at all costs, methods, models, statistics, numbers, and all the rest.
Don't we know that all this will burn? All this activity, unless devoted to God, will burn. It will all be worthless. Did God rescue us from being our own Gods, simply so we could usurp his throne again by playing God in the guise of ministry? I know that when this happens, it's got to make him mad.
I also know that I'm more of a contemplative kind of guy, a feeler, less of a doer, and so I can undervalue hard work and be seen as (and sometimes am) lazy. This is the danger I have to watch out for. But I do think we need more of an emphasis of doing the hard work in the right direction - devoting everything to God and committing it to his pace, whether he's asking us to move fast or slow.
So having admitted the danger of blogging just being a source for airing your own opinions, there I've gone and done it. Sorry. And on the off chance that this helps someone, I think I'm going to post this anyway.
