Thursday, September 1, 2011
"I'm a pretty amazing guy." - Me.
This morning Melissa and I were sorting through our old papers from school. We're trying to sort through our belongings and repack/get-rid-of stuff that we just don't need. And I was finding all these papers I'd written in Seminary and I was like, "I don't even remember most of these classes and even some of these professors but DUDE these papers are all in the B to A range (actually they never really reach a full A because we all know professors are snobs, sorry Dad)!"
As I perused through my own works of sheer brilliance, I savored the comments from the professors(just the positive ones). I even got a "strong work" from JI Packer. I think I might frame that one.
I'm sharing all of this because first I like to brag, second because I really like to brag and third because I'm kind of stunned. I'm stunned by all this stuff we humans learn and forget. There was this class called "Success, Failure and Faith" that was team taught by two professors and I've pretty much forgotten the entire thing. It's like it never even happened. I've even forgotten what the professors looked like! I remember we watched a movie though. (It was one of those poignant, meaningful ones that I only ever want to watch once because there's no funny quotes.)
As I often struggle with despondency, melancholy, depression and I-wish-I-could-die-or-every-one-else-would-just-die, I also struggle with low self-esteem. Surprise, suprise! I think of myself as sort of dumb. And I am, I'm dumb enough to learn a lot, write a bunch of "brilliant" (all of my professors should write this at the top of every paper) stuff and then...time passing... forget it ALL!
I think it's because every time I learn something new, old stuff is squeezed out. I don't know exactly, but I've probably forgotten most of the debates that rage about historical biblical criticism and hermeneutics (fancy words - you like?) because I had to learn how to put on a cloth diapers, on my children of course.
(Just to clarify about diapers, I've only had to wear them once and it was highly contextualized. And it's not really something I'm comfortable blogging about. Or at least talking about it really "depends" on whether I feel very very safe, snugg and dry.)
How do we humans learn and forget so much? And how am I going to spin this into a nice little neat sunday school lesson? I don't know, and I'm not.
But I do think there was something being unearthed in me this morning as I dusted off those old papers. So much of God's image poured out and into those words I wrote years ago (and I just a 20-something punk moron back then right?). It was really refreshing, and a reminder not to underestimate how God's put us all together.
A lot of people struggle with feeling stoopid. And as I looked at all the reams of work I'd done, I realized that no matter how we feel and no matter how much we forget, we're pretty amazing. In fact, since I began this blog bragging, I'll end it with what my sister-in-law so often says, "We're totally rad."
We reflect our creator, and I, when I'm really reflecting, wear those dope shades in the picture above.