My kids faces beamed pure joy as they rode the little mini-train at Downtown Disney this afternoon. I was thinking, "Wow, that was worth the 4 dollars it cost to get their tickets."
I've have this haunting feeling these days that my family is headed for a financial crisis. I'm not exactly sure where it comes from, but I know that as we're fully supported missionaries, it's probably a pretty common specter among our kind.
But as we got we were drifting through the man-made pond, taking our 5 minute "fairy-ride" back to our parking lot, I started thinking, "How much of this has to do with trust? Am I really trusting that God is the true care-taker of my family? Will he do it?"
As a parent, I'm constantly being asked to let go. Even from the get-go, the minute I wake up and am faced with all of my demons and character flaws, I'm thinking, "I'm supposed to be a father again today Lord? Shouldn't you do some 'right-sizing' in your organizational structure?"
I know that I struggle with a melancholy bent. If you haven't noticed, you haven't been reading my blog. But in regards to parenting, us "melancholics" may have a more realistic picture of what's going on.
Here's what I mean: We're asked to feed, bathe, brush, scrub, wipe and repeat, these little humans throughout the day, and that's simply caring for their physical needs. Then we're supposed to teach them character, wisdom, integrity, honesty, and everything they need to fear the Lord, all the while hearing the maxim "To lead with our lives, not just our words" tumbling around our head and condemning us (something like that, I can't think of the maxim right now, though I am impressed that I know the word "maxim").
The task of parenting is enough to drive sane people crazy and crazy people sane. On top of all the impossibilities, I'm 35 now, and Teya, who's already faster than me, will ask something innocent like, "Let's play tag" not knowing that she's about to see her father break down and cry. Last night she patted my stomach, pondered in surprise for a second, and then jiggled it and said "Daddy, you're fat!"
I'm telling you this parenting thing is no good for anyone. But I'm reminded of the verse where Jesus says fat men like to squeeze through small places because all things are possible with God (I know it's the "rich man" Mr. Sunday School Star). Somehow the fat man's hope is getting me through these parenting days.
Oh (I lost my train of thought in addressing all of the impossibilities of parenting) and I'm not supposed to worry about finances?!
"Impossible parenting is, being how but in world the someone has it to do." - Yoda (I saw a lot of Star Wars paraphernalia at Disney today, which is odd, because Disney had nothing to do with Star Wars right? Sort of like Yoda, popping in with this quote at the end. I don't think Yoda ever parented. He's always spouting off wisdom about stuff he can't do. What a little green jerk. I sympathize with Luke.)