Thursday, August 25, 2011
Stupid Waa-Waa Man
Here I sit, mindlessly scrolling web pages looking for an answer. The answer is something deep within me that is calling.
Sounds deep doesn't it? Of course it is, I said that it is "deep" within me, do it's deep. (I'm not a deep writer, so bear with me.) I can't always put a finger on this call, so for now I will call it "God restlessness".
I struggle with this a lot. Nothing seems to satisfy. My Bible sits untouched, brooding. I plan, I plot and I scramble to come up with something that will answer this deep calling.
Why in the world do I look for accomplishments and stuff to find my answer? World stuff looks so shiny! Like forbidden fruit it looks so good. So I bite, chomp and shove the world stuff deep into my mouth... Filling but always hungry.
And somewhere in my heart there's a magnetic pull toward God. One of it's clearest signals to me is this restlessness and unquenchable thirst/hunger. If I'm not restless when I'm wasting time and being irresponsible, there's something wrong with me.
The world tells us to fill up, that this restlessness is a bad thing. Something we should avoid at all costs.
This morning I wonder. And since everything the "world" seems to tell us is wrong, I think that restlessness is a sign of something good occuring.
Tired, restless, hungry, thirsty - aren't they all prerequisites for a feast, a party and a really, really good time.
One of my favorite things to do, after a really good bike ride, a soccer game or some very intense ping-pong, is to swing by 7-Eleven and drink deep from their fountains of delight. My favorite fountain is the one that burps out my beloved Slurpee - mostly Coke with a little Cherry. It's heaven in my mouth. Ice melts on my tongue, weary bones rejoice and my brain which is telling me how bad this is for me and blah, blah, blah - begins to freeze. I love this. If you have seen the movie "Incino Man," I want "wheeze the juice!"
So what if God is our fountain, calling to the deep dry wells in our souls? Calling us to come and fill our wells. Or what if he's our food, calling us to feast? What if life is a lot simpler than we make it? What if life is just God-filling?
Every day this is the battle that rages within me. Not to be dramatic, but it is. I want stuff. God wants me.
I am "Stupid Waa-Waa Man". God knows my cry. And man if he isn't the most patient God in the world. Of course, being the only God in the world, he could be very impatient and still be the "most patient", but thankfully he's not.
"Deep calls to deep at the rush of your waterfalls..." - somewhere in my Bible that's still looking at me. "Stop it Bible, you don't even have eyes!"